I find myself moving from blog to blog. Every time I consider combining them, I realize that each one captures a particular part of me. So, I will continue along using each of my blogs to talk about various aspects of life. To catch up, read on.
I recently took a trip to Dublin, Ireland. It was an amazing trip to spite the rain and gale force winds (I really do know now what gale force winds are). I was so looking forward to taking photos. I carried all my camera equipment, even though it was a bit of a pain to take it with me on International travel. I was going to get some really cool shots. Well, maybe or maybe not.
I spend a great deal of time somewhere other than where I am. Sounds confusing? Not if you happen to suffer from anxiety. Anxiety disorders affect your ability to stay in the moment. You can go to the NIMH site and learn all the technical stuff about anxiety disorders. But it can seem a little more intense than our conversation here.
On the other hand, you can also go to an EHow article that seems much more to the point from my perspective. The two are pretty much on the opposite ends of the spectrum, but in reality there are many of us who cope with mild or moderate anxiety and use a variety of tools to do it.
All of that said, I was spending time in Dublin on my own. My partner was in meetings, and I was site seeing alone for a couple of days. I did all the things the article and my previous therapist suggest. I got out my tool box. I made maps on my computer before we left. I bought books to help me learn my way around. I studies my location in relationship to all these other places. I was ready.
The first day I really went out to site see was the first day we didn’t have pouring rain. I took my camera and had all my “stuff” in various pockets, etc. I only exhibited a slight amount of OCD when I checked for my room key the third time. Not too bad. The night before one of our new friends in Dublin drew me a map on a piece of paper, showing me all the places I could go. I had studied my own maps enough that all of her directions actually made sense to me. So I put her map in my pocket and off I went.
I walked and watched people and looked at buildings. I went in and out of shops and looked at merchandise. I listened to people talking as they walked by me. I watched the sun against the building and was sorry I didn’t pick up my sunglasses. I never took out my camera.
Each time I turned to another street or went to another location, I marveled in the fact that I knew exactly where I was. I know this sounds really trivial and perhaps a bit crazy to most of the world. But for me, to be able to be in a place and not feel anxious about finding my way was extraordinarily liberating. I didn’t have to worry about being lost or getting lost or looking stupid or asking stupid directions. I could just be where I was. I didn’t need to take photos of it for another day because I was just enjoying that moment at that time. It’s rare for me and I will tell you I loved it.
Don’t worry, I did get some photos the next day (including a wonderful rainbow). If you go to Photos By Peggy you can see them in the gallery or in the story post. So I guess you can say I got the best of both worlds!